is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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