I cockslap morals
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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