I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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