I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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