What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This is my gift to your gina
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
