I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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