NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
