We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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