so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it penis luge time yet?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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