Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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