u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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