If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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