I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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