Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
