Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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