I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize