ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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