This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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