Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
