"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
