I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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