im six kinds of drunk right now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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