woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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