He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
