fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
