i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
