Already got asked if we're dating
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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