How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
