just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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