and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
