My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
