Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
