the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
