i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
