I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
