You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
