If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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