How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
