We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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