they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
