So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he shaved USA in his pubs
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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