I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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