I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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