people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
