hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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