could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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