I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
