Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
