dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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