here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
