He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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