I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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