My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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