I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
