:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
