My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
