So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
